Many years ago we went on a river cruise in China. We had an excellent guide who spoke perfect English and collected various sayings used by different nationalities. In our party were English, Americans, Canadians, Australians and New Zealanders. So you can imagine he had a field day.
One day we saw a sign in English which said "No stridding." It was on the front of our boat. We asked him what it meant.
"It means you can't strid," he replied. We told him there was no such word in the English language. We never did find out what stridding was.
Then before crossing a bridge we saw a notice saying "no dribs and drabs on bridge." Again our guide couldn't explain this to us.
Which brings me round to really bad English in instructions for imported goods.
The Friends of Hethersett Library recently bought a new projector and screen for presentations. Luckily we could work it all out without needing the instructions.
But I thought you might be interested in case you ever need to set up a screen. This one came from China. So here goes.
"Circumgyrate the housing to horizontal station of screen, put the hang to the hang pedestal.
"Lift the telescopic stick, it can adjust the height optionally until open the screen to the right place, press the lock wrench, fix up the height of stick. Open the lock wrench and push the handle with screen to the lowest station, then press the lock wrench.
"Close the screen, please do it contrarily.
"Metal octagonal housing, mode and slinky. Can adjust the height of telescopic stick, perfect design of handle for handily pick up.
"When you pull up and down the stick, denched the stick by your hand, put the stick up and down slowly, prevent the fast up and down of stick, the hang break away from the hang pedestal, damage the screen and injury."
The only thing I could think of as I read that was Stanley Unwin. He was years ahead of his time.