Actually I made that number up but there are an awful lot and it does run into hundreds. But suddenly there are three programmes I genuinely do want to watch. One of them isn't the third episode of the Doctor Who pre Christmas trilogy which was totally unfathomable. I still reckon writing one of these scripts is relatively easy because they don't have to make any sense and can ramble in any direction and the characters can get out of any sticky situation by making some nonsense up that is unbelievable in itself. The sonic screwdriver seems to be able to sort most things out.
As a youngster I used to enjoy the nonsense that was Batman, the one starring Adam West and Bert Ward (I think that was their names). I lost interest when the cliffhanger at the end of one episode saw Batman and Robin encased on concrete. Despite this they still managed to talk to each other and move. Now I don't know about you but the last time I was encased in concrete it proved something of a problem.
But Batman and Robin had anti everything pills which allowed them to do anything including breaking out of concrete. That for me was the last straw because it made a nonsense of the whole idea. Whatever scrape you get into don't worry because there's always the anti everything pill. A block of concrete - no problem.
But back to those programmes. I do ramble on sometimes don't I ( don't answer that question).
The first is Lucy Worsley's three part series on Arthur Conan Doyle and Sherlock Holmes. Conan Doyle has always been a fascinating man to me. He was rather a strange man, believing that when he died his spirit would return and to prove this I believe he booked a theatre and a table to which he would return on a given date and time. He didn't.
He also believed in fairies and was taken in by the Cottingley Fairies which was a complete hoax. It seems incredible that the man who invented the world's greatest consulting detective should be taken in by hoaxes so easily.
Conan Doyle became jealous of his creation and came to hate him which was quite extraordinary as we all love Holmes in his many guises. He hated him so much that he killed him off after a physical battle with the evil Moriarty at the Reichenback Falls in Switzerland. Both fell to their deaths, although Holmes didn't and was soon back due to public demand and the fact the author was offered lots of money to bring him back.
I was trying to think of parallels and Dallas sprang to mind where Bobby Ewing died but was brought back to life when ratings bombed after Patrick Duffy was killed off. The storyline of a whole season was wiped out when it was decided that his death and everything that followed it was actually a dream and there was Bobby coming out of the shower as good as new and probably with a pay rise as well.
The next programme I want to watch is a film about the life of another of my heroes Leonard Bernstein - a musician and composer of great energy who is best known for writing the music for West Side Story.
Apparently to make him look more Jewish the actor who portrays Bernstein, Bradley Cooper, who also directs it, had a prosthetic nose fitted. My question on that is simply WHY?
Couldn't we just see Cooper as Jewish without having to focus on the size of his conk. It rather typecasts Jewish people. The film is entitled Maestro because that's exactly what Bernstein was.
The third thing I want to view is Nolly. No don't laugh. It's the story of Noele Gordon and the TV soap Crossroads. I have a great affection for Crossroads and all it's wobbly scenery and Mr Lovejoy the chef who was still referred to in the script despite the fact that he stopped appearing because the actor had died in real life.
I once interviewed Benny, or should I say the actor Paul Henry who portrayed The character. Unlike in the soap, he was well spoken and intelligent and there wasn't a Berny or Benny hat on sight.
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There's been a lot of publicity recently about a dear lady whose daughter committed suicide (I always think that's a horrible phrase). She has been walking hundreds of miles, pulling a model horse to raise awareness. She was walking through Slough when Prince William popped up. Of course Slough is close to Windsor in distance but centuries different in other ways.
I couldn't watch the news coverage without thinking of the John Betjeman's poem Slough.
Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow.
Swarm over, Death!
Come, bombs and blow to smithereens
Those air -conditioned, bright canteens,
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans,
Tinned minds, tinned breath.
Slough is pretty horrible. We spent a night in a hotel there once and decided to walk to Windsor and Eaton which are only a couple of miles away. We would then get the bus back. After walking the best part of a mile we weren't quite sure whether we were going the right way. So we asked a woman on the street.
"Are we going the right way for Windsor?"
She looked at us as if we had arrived from a different planet in the Solar Plexus (sorry Solar System), although we had come from Norwich which could have been the same thing, and said.
"I've got no idea."
Turned out Windsor was about a mile further on.
Well I think that's more than enough for today. Tomorrow I'll tell you about a new book written by a friend, along with how I spent my Thursday and apparently my friend and roving reporter Tommy Titt has sent in some new information. All will be revealed.