Very often these stories surrounds somebody's misfortune. I came across the following a couple of days ago:
"You know what life is like. One day you are pottering around your garden, enjoying the weather, perhaps trimming the hedge and then all of a sudden you are covered in poo that has fallen from the skies above."
This was the fate that befell a woman in Windsor. The effluent came from an overhead jet which presumably was meant to discharge its discharge over the sea.
Which reminded me that a number of days ago we were enjoying the Autumn warmth and having chips off Norwich market which we were eating in the Memorial Gardens. A young lady approached us:
"Sorry to trouble you but I thought you should know that a pigeon just pooped on you" she said to my wife. And so it was. My other threequarters had some nasty nasty on her coat that still hasn't come out despite being washed.
You can never be too careful over these things, however. Many many years ago we were the subject of a rather elaborate scam attempt in Barcelona. Fortunately I heard about this before we arrived.
We were walking along when a pigeon pooped on us and magically a man appeared from nowhere with a cloth to wipe the crap off. I virtually dragged the other threequarters away and into a shop.
I had to explain to her that this was part of a scam to steal wallets and bags etc. I don't think she believed me. How could these people know where pigeon poop would fall? Did they have a remote controlled pigeon that could s--t to order. No the answer was one of them sprayed a substance similar to pigeon mess.
Not so long after this there was an article in the national press about scams in Europe and this was one of those featured. A search on the Internet found the following:
"If you are ever walking on a Spanish street, either alone or with someone else, and you feel something wet suddenly appearing on your clothing, your skin or your hair, this could very well be the bird poop scam.
The scam usually involves at least two people. One to spray a white liquid resembling ‘bird poop’ on you and then walk away. The other one to play the ‘friendly passer by’ who is just trying to help.
As the passer by whips out a handkerchief or a wet-wipe so you can clean your clothing, skin or hair, your unattended bag will be stolen or your pocket picked.
The substance sprayed on you will usually be placed on your shoulder or your back. That way you are more likely to remove your bag or backpack to clean it. That is when the thief will grab it and run.
Just ask yourself. If you are pooped on by a real pigeon would you be so fortunate as to have a knight in shining armour with a ready made cloth so close.
Apparently this scam also works with chocolate and/or coffee thrown from a nearby window.
In Paris they tried to make us the victim of the famous ring scam. This is how that one works.
The con artist pretends to find a gold ring on the sidewalk, shows it to a tourist, and asks "Is this your ring?"
When the tourist says "No," the scammer offers to sell it.
If the tourist falls for the scam, the con artist negotiates a price.
The tourist ends up with a gold-coloured ring made of cheap metal, and the con artist walks away with the gullible tourist's cash.
It is beyond me why you would give a stranger money for a ring that isn't theirs anyway. I believe a variation on this one is the scammer says that for a small amount (20 Euros) they will take the ring to the police station for you and if it's not claimed they will pick it up and deliver it to your hotel etc. Again this seems totally implausible but some people are very gullible.
When we were approached by these Parisian scammers they asked if we were English (no idea how they knew but it might be something they ask anyone who is obviously a tourist). I replied with my one sentence of Dutch and they left is alone.
Someone I used to work with had an easy way of getting rid of timeshare sharks who used to prey on tourists. They would always ask him if he was English or Spanish or French or German. He answered them with the one phrase in Swedish he had been taught. None of the timeshare people spoke Swedish so they left him alone. No idea what they would have done of they had been confronted with a Swedish speaker. Neither did he know what the Swedish phrase he uttered was.
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A few days ago I had a chat with Stewart Hewitt. Who I hear you ask?
I may have mentioned him before. During lockdown Stewart (ok that's not his real name, but I'm not going to divulge it although it has the same initials) put together an A to Z of Norfolk, mainly in local dialect and it was very very funny.
You can catch it at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=77zKbk-5khY&t=5s
I asked Stewart if he plans any other diversions into humour. He looked at me as if I was mad (which to be fair I probably am), explained how long it had taken him to put it together and then gave me a blunt "no."