I say this because I have and we all have come across them. You know the type. They play tennis and have immaculate whites, they play cricket and their gloves and pads gleam, they play football and their boots are designer, they play golf and their bag holds one of those drivers where you can not only drive the width of the Thames at its widest point* but can also loop the ball round the moon twice.
The problem is these people often look good but just can't play their particular sport. I have no idea what brought this point into my head but I remember two particular incidents. The first was at a local park's tennis courts where this suave, well heeled gentleman turned up in pristine garb but then demonstrated that he had no ability to actually hit the ball.
In cricket, I have come across somebody facing the slowest of slow bowlers. He came out to bat with the entire run of clothes. An immaculate white shirt and jumper, white pressed trousers, highly polished pads and gloves and a bright blue batting helmet. He then proceeded to miss every very slow ball bowled at him until one hit his stumps. I was just left thinking "why the hell was he wearing a helmet?"
One incident of immaculatosis came a few years ago when myself and my son were playing tennis on the next court to a doubles match where the four were fashionably dressed in clothes that looked to have been bought a few days before. We watched this foursome attempt to play tennis with very little success. One of them queried whether we were members of the club (we were) presumably because we were dressed in what might have been described a scruff gear. "Yes said my son. We are and we can also play tennis." There was no reply.
You will notice that these people are not named and will remain anonymous and I wanted to use the phrase - no names, no pack drill and then realised that whilst being appropriate it was a strange phrase. So where does it come from? So I looked it up:
Pack-drill was a punishment given to soldiers in the British Army, requiring them to undertake drill (exercise) in full uniform and carrying a heavy pack.
'No names, no pack-drill' is used to indicate that the names of those who have committed a misdemeanour will not be mentioned in order to spare them punishment.
The 'pack-drill' punishment is known from at least 1845, when it was referred to in William Maxwell's Hints to a soldier on service:
"A full guard house, dozens at pack-drill."
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Tuned into the latest COVID briefing or as it should be known "The Hugging Briefing" where prime minister Boris Johnson said this about hugging (and I quote): "You should do it if you feel it is appropriate."
Boris then went on the make the following revelation: "Anybody I hug will be done with caution and constraint" (no comment). It comes to something when we have to take the advice of a politician about who to and how to hug!
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I am currently reading "Lethal White" a crime novel by Robert Galbraith who most readers will know is none other than J. K. Rowling. Although I'm finding the book interesting it is excessively long and the plot is very thin. My view is it could have done with some serious editing and pruning. I kept thinking that all the padding had some relevance but am now of the belief that all the padding is just that - padding.
The Harry Potter books seemed to increase in length as they went on and the same now seems to apply to the Cormoran Strike detective stories. Overlong and unwieldy.
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Just a few photographs of a lengthy walk to Wymondham and back yesterday.
*The Thames at one estuary is 18 miles wide.