So here goes. Today I'm going to talk about CARS. Yes those four wheeled monsters (or in one case three wheeled) that I have absolutely no interest in apart from getting from the legendary A to B wherever they may be.
My grandson has an interest in cars. A recent conversation went along the lines of.
"Grandad do you have £40,000?"
"No why?"
"Well if you did have you could buy a ?????????"
"Grandad do you have £80,000?"
"I've just told you that I don't have £40,000 so how could I have £80,000?"
"That's unfortunate because if you had £80,000 you could buy a ????????"
At that point I asked him how his cricket bowling was coming on as I was all at sea talking about cars. A friend asked me about cylinders once and I just glazed over. I wouldn't know one cylinder from another. You will note that I used a lot of ??????? in place of the name of the models of the car my grandson mentioned. That's because I can't remember what they were. I think he mentioned Tesla somewhere along the line, but I'm not even sure of that.
When I was on the local newspaper in Norwich I did a feature on the Only Fools and Horses Reliant Robin three-wheeler and it brought a smile to my face and not just because it was used by Del Boy and Rodney in the greatest British comedy series of all time.
My uncle had a Reliant Robin. He also had a motor bike and sidecar. I went in the sidecar on a couple of occasions and felt very sick. I may well have been in the Reliant but can't remember. My uncle never bought a car and never passed his car driving test. I believe the Robin was classed as a two-wheeler so you didn't need a car driving licence (I may have got that wrong).
Any way my aunt and uncle also owned a caravan on the North Norfolk coast. I believe this was at Northrepps. This was the only place he would drive to because he knew the road. The journey was a simple one - he drove left from his home in Links Avenue, Hellesdon, onto Reepham Road, right into Middleton's Lane, left onto the Cromer Road and then 20 miles later right into Northrepps. All of that will of course mean absolutely nothing to anyone not from Norwich and probably won't mean a lot to people who do.
That was a couple of the idiosyncratic vehicles I have been tenuously linked to over the years. There have been others. My cousin's boyfriend had a Bubble car and I used to cram into that. The front opened and there was one seat just about big enough for two adults and a tiddler (ie me). Again it made me feel sick.
Perhaps that was one of the reasons I never picked up an interest in cars. I used to get travel sick. It's a horrible feel as anyone will testify who has ever suffered. The only way of getting rid of it was obviously to get out of the vehicle and gulp in as much air as possible. Problem is I often had to get back into the car and get the sickness all over again.
I remember one day going with a close friend and his father around the Norfolk countryside. I'm pretty sure he was collecting census returns and so that would date it at 1961 and I would have been eight. I don't remember anything about that day apart from feeling horribly car sick and being so happy when the trip was over.
But back to cars. I passed my driving test at the second time at the age of 17. My grandfather bought me a mini. It sat outside our home for quite a few days before I plucked up the courage to get in and drive it. I finally did, drove about three miles up the road, turned round and came home. Don't remember what happened after that. I guess I drove regularly. I certainly remember driving back and forth to college at Harlow which was 90 miles each way. So I must have been comfortable driving. But driving for me has always been a means to an end. It's not something I enjoy, but something I put up with. I think the furthest I have driven in one go was around 500 miles in France many years ago (there were plenty of breaks of course).
I have had a number of cars over the years - many of which probably shouldn't have been on the road. Now for many years I have leased vehicles. That is the perfect way for somebody not really interested in cars to have a decent car and it also helps with the economics of motoring.
A few years ago I sat in a Delorean (yes I sat in one). Wasn't allowed to drive it but it was part of a feature I was writing for the local paper about a coachtrimming company.
Over the years I have had Renauts, Fiats, Vauxhalls, Fords and plenty more. They have all been heaps of metal to me and I certainly shed no tears when I say goodbye to one - even when it's going to the great car park in the sky. I do like driving a relatively new and clean car though and guess I will continue to do so.
I have driven on the wrong side of the road on plenty of occasions as well and I don't mean in Norfolk. I was trying to work out how many countries I have driven in and I came up with Belgium, France, UK (of course), Holland, Spain, Portugal, New Zealand, Italy, USA, Canada and probably many more that escape me at the moment.
Many years ago, a friend of mine who owned a camper van gave up driving as his sight deteriorated. He knew when it was time to throw in the towel and not become a menace on the road like so many elderly people who drive around completely unaware of anybody else being around on the road. I hope that I will know when it's time to quit and stop driving. I would miss the ability to get directly from A to B but I wouldn't miss the physical task of driving.
Sadly I will probably return and talk about cars and transport some more in the future.