Yesterday saw us do a stint behind the bar. Everything is now automated and it's card payments only.
Unfortunately lousy weather rather spoilt things but hopefully it will become an annual event.
Friday night saw a large number of people attending as it was also junior coaching night as well. As I was driving, I was restricted to one pint on each day.
On the way there I had an argument. This argument wasn't with the other threequarters who was in the car but with a third entity who goes by the name of Alexa.
You probably all know this person. She's very nosey, likes to break into conversations and can do lots of things. Rather a know it all.
"Alexa tell me a joke."
"Why are eggs unable to keep a secret?"
"I don't know. Why are eggs unable to keep a secret?"
"Because they crack under pressure"
And that folks was Alexa's yolk (sorry joke) on Friday. She had lots more but we couldn't face them.
I tried to link up Alexa to my Spotify account to play some meaningful music but she wasn't playing that game.
"Alexa play Seven Psalms by Paul Simon"
"Playing Mike Sarne from Peters Spotify."
"No not Mike Sarne, Seven Psalms."
"I'm sorry I don't recognise that."
"Seven Psalms is Paul Simon's latest album." I suddenly realised I was having a conversation and trying to reason with a machine.
Then suddenly unannounced came a random song from a random playlist. Something called Monkey Capers by Gorillahead-:or something like that.
At that point I gave up and decided I would get more sense out of the other threequarters who seemed to be nodding off in her seat.
I couldn't help thinking about how Alexa could ruin an entire evening if you genuinely had a friend called Alexa. I'm talking living, breathing human friend here.
Alexa and husband Dave come round for a meal.
"Alexa have you got the time," the other threequarters says to Human Alexa who we will refer to as HA to prevent me having to continually type in Human Alexa, although come to think of it I just have.
The other threequarters is asking this question because she is trying to time the main meal in the oven and the battery in the kitchen clock has gone.
But before HA can reply, the other Alexa chimes in
"If you've got the money big boy."
You see Alexa can be naughty at times - that's the digital one and not HA who is as shocked as we all are.
"How are your bunions Alexa?" We say as the evening continues.
"Ok but my piles are playing up," cuts in Digital Alexa before HA can answer. How a machine can have bunions and piles is a mystery to us.
And so it goes on through the evening. When HA and husband Dave have departed we realise the evening could have gone much more smoothly if we had just turned Alexa off. But which one would we have preferred to have unplugged?
It happened once with one of the soaps (what I hear you ask?). Might have been Coronation Street. Somebody in the soap asked Alexa to play a specific piece of music which was all part of a childish plot (a bit like this blog which today has been very childish). Suddenly Alexas in numerous lounges up and down the country sprang into life.
If you get really wound up by Alexa as I have done in the past it could lead to trouble. Yes I have used a naughty word as in "Alex shut the ---- up."
"I'm sorry I don't understand that," came the reply.
Sometimes Alexa can pretend ignorance while I think she knows exactly what you mean. How long before Alexa comes back with.
"You really need to calm down" or "you need to watch your language."
Driving home from the cricket club early Saturday evening I needed petrol, so why did I drive straight past Waitrose? We have three petrol stations within three miles of where we live - two at Wymondham and one at Thickthorn Interchange. Problem is all three are too expensive. I would love to use any of them but I'm not paying roughly eight pence a litre more. This is very annoying as I always go further afield. As far as I'm concerned Waitrose petrol station missed out on £50 plus of sales. It may not sound much but if numerous motorists feel the same as myself they will be missing out on a considerable amount of money and goodwill simply because they aren't competitive.
*. *. *
This is one for the hay fever sufferers amongst you.
Has it been particularly bad this year?
I have regular sneezing fits all year round and have never established why or where they come from. They can occur at any time and anywhere- both inside buildings and outside in the open air. So I have ruled out a dust allergy and the sun.
These sneezing fits can last up to 16 times and the average is around 12. I never feel them coming until they are upon me.
Warning - the next few paragraphs are a bit smutty. Those of a sensitive nature might want to stop reading here.
Having a sneezing fit isn't entirely unpleasant. In fact I used to work with a woman who said sneezing was akin to having an orgasm. I didn't reply by saying that you wouldn't have 12 orgasms in three minutes! Or would you?!
You will see I've used an exclamation mark there. When I was a journalist these were for some reason known as dogs' cocks. There are some things in life you never forget. Used sparingly to emphasise something they are ok but I know people who use them at the end of virtually every sentence, taking the place of full stops. I also know people who use multiple dogs' cocks (sorry exclamation marks) to really hammer home a point. They should be used sparingly. I sometimes use them when I want to emphasise I have written something amusing. Although you could rightly argue that nothing I write is amusing.
But back or the orgasm lady ( I think that may have come out all wrong). This woman was very outspoken. She said what she meant and she meant what she said.
At the time I was a sub editor with the local newspaper, as was she. We had an hour for lunch. Sometimes this was spent having a meal in the canteen and sometimes walking round Norwich as our office was slap bang in the middle.
On one occasion this lady went for a walk in Chapel Field Gardens - about five minutes walk away. She came back to give us the best put down line ever.
As she was walking through the park she was approached by a flasher who opened his coat to show that he had nothing on underneath.
"What do you think of this," he inquired in a lascivious nature.
Our friend considered the question for a short while and then replied.
"Mmmmm looks like a penis only smaller."
Smutty section over. Those of a sensitive disposition can start reading again.
Sorry too late, today's blog is finished (only joking.)
Something I've written about many times is the lack of really local news on television.
Yesterday on BBC East as they talked about a barn fire in Bedford (about 100 miles from us). I couldn't help thinking that we might as well have had news from Liverpool or Carlisle or Bristol. It would have the same relevance ( ie none).