On Wednesday evening we popped along to Hethersett Hall Care Home for a presentation on dementia care by Deena Heaney MBE.
It was an interesting couple of hours and I learnt quite a bit about how to treat people living with dementia.
Many years ago, myself and Anne (not today known as my other threequarters as this is a serious blog) were founder members of the Hethersett Dementia Support Group. She is still on the organising committee. As for me - well I'm now more of a furniture shifter for our twice monthly cafes.
We have re-named these get togethers Forget Me Not Cafes as they are also for people who just want a cup of coffee and a chat. They take place on the first and third Tuesdays in Hethersett Methodist Church from 10 am and anyone living locally who would like to turn up will be most welcome. We have films, speakers, presentations and much more and there's plenty coffee, tea and biscuits and no charge.
One thing I have had to remember is the terminology with regards to dementia. It's all too easy to say "he or she is suffering from dementia". This is wrong. The term should be a person living with dementia. This does make a difference as you can imagine. Loved ones can live with dementia on many different levels.
The talk re-inforced this to me. It explained why people living with dementia can't remember what happened 10 minutes ago but can remember what happened 50 years ago. It explained why those living with dementia very often see themselves as young people although they might be in their eighties.
Once you understand what prompts the actions of people living with dementia it helps you to deal with it. That includes why a person might think that a spouse is a daughter or son or why a son or daughter is thought to be a husband or wife.
Of course it's all very complex. There is nothing more complex than the brain which can play so many tricks. One of the best examples of dementia was given by Deena.
Two people living with dementia may be sitting at a table and be given a choice of food for dinner. The first is asked whether they would like fish and chips or steak pie with potatoes. Their brain only processes the second of these and so that person asks for steak pie. The second person is given the same option but only remembers being asked about fish and chips and so repeats this. The meals come and the first person looks at his neighbours meals and wonders why that person has got fish and chips which is something he would have much preferred to the steak pie that he has.
Another example given was a lady in a care home who was making a nuisance of herself by going into bedrooms and pulling out shoes. Nobody knew why she was doing this. Then it was established that this lady thought she was 42-years-of-age. It was established through speaking to her family that at the age of 42 this lady had numerous young children and each night she took out all their shoes, cleaned them and lined them up for the next day.
So the home got hold of a number of pairs of old shoes to give her. Immediately she stopped going into other people's rooms.
I am a firm believer that some part of dementia can be hereditary, just as heart disease etc can be. As far as I know, nobody in my family suffered from dementia. My Aunt died this year at 105, my paternal grandmother was 99, my maternal grandmother was 89 and they were all sharp as pins. I don't want to tempt fate but I think it very unlikely that I will have to learn to live with dementia.
I have seen dementia close up, however. One of my sister in laws and my mother in law both had forms of dementia and it was horrible to see them deteriorate.
It's an unforgiving condition/illness and there are so many different kinds, although Alzheimer's is the most common. Interestingly the Alzheimer's Society doesn't differentiate beteen the types - the support them all.