Let me explain. I got up yesterday morning just after the postman dropped what sounded to be a large load through the letterbox. No tittering please
Gone are the days when there was a fissure of excitement about the postman. All the excitement and meaningful stuff now comes via emails. But yesterday it was a large drop.
Turned out to be five begging letters, two cruise brochures and a bank statement.
I don't like using the term begging letters but I would be penniless if I donated to every one that comes through the letterbox, particularly at this time of the year.
As a result I'm afraid I give to none of them. My main reason for making this decision is not knowing where my money would be going when it comes to national charities.
So I stick with local charities where I know that any donation I make will be used wisely and help local people.
So sadly all the appeals went straight into the bin. I didn't even read them because what would be the point?
Next was the cruise brochures. We get tons of these every day. The industry must be struggling as prices are plummeting if you can up sticks and take off at short notice.
There are bargains to be had as they desperately try to fill cabins (sorry state rooms) at almost any cost. If there are eight people on a table for an evening meal on a cruise ship it is likely they all paid different prices even if they are in the same standard of cabin (sorry state room).
The brochures went in the bin as well. I hesitate to call these things junk mail but I guess that's what they are simply because they are unsolicited.
I would like to talk about watering down important events.
Like everyone else I assumed the likely pro Palestinian demonstration was scheduled for Remembrance Sunday. But then I found it was scheduled for Armistice Day which was yesterday.
I will be going to our Remembrance event tomorrow morning but wish it was all restricted to one day rather than being watered down over two, three or even four days. Hopefully I will bring you some photos tomorrow of our village event.
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Yesterday after putting a couple of posters up in the village advertising the coming Friends of Hethersett Library children's party we decided to catch the bus into Norwich and go to Cinema City.
But first we had a bit of shopping to do. I can scarcely remember a day when there were so many people in the city.
We managed to get into the small basement restaurant in Jarrolds' department store.
"Do you have a reservation sir," the other threequarters was asked. Actually it was me who was asked. I just wanted to inject a bit of trivial humour onto proceedings.
It's an Italian themed bistro which means I had to have something a trifle arty farty, although pizzas are on the menu and there's nothing very arty farty about them. I had a mezze board which I originally thought was how Lionel the footballer referred to himself when he was fed up, until I realised that was a Messi Bored ( wow the humour is just flowing today and if you don't get that joke ask a football fan to explain it to you).
My messe board was very tasty as Italian food always is. There was some flat bread, some peppers and some white stuff and some more white stuff and some orange stuff and some more white stuff. Jarrolds' department store has reinvented itself and seems to be thriving. They have replaced half the kitchen department with wine bars and there's now about four or five cafes and restaurants in the store.
I'm sure it's been modelled on Harrods of London and it's certainly done the trick as the place was very busy. Next to where we ate were counters full of cakes and desserts and a very large cheese emporium with more cheeses than you can poke a stick at.
"I think next year every time we come in we should buy a different cheese," said the other threequarters as I gripped my credit card tightly.
Mind you I've always wanted to be a bon viveur if only I could find out what it meant.
Have you ever waved to somebody you thought you knew only to get no response and feel extremely silly?
Well I waved at somebody I thought I knew from my days working with the police and got no response. Luckily this lady reads my blogs so I can check with her whether she was in Jarrolds at that time or whether I was actually waving at a total stranger. Will report back on that one.
The other threequarters went off to dress shop and get a warmy thing from Marks and Sparks. During the week we bought a fluffy hooded thingy from Lidl. She has worn it over the past couple of nights and declared it to be very warm. I thought it made her look like a penguin. As a result I'm the new owner and look just like a slightly larger penguin.
While she went to M and S, I went to Waterstones to see if I could spend the book token I seem to have had forever. The place was heaving and there was a queue of people snaking round the store and out into the street and around the block. They were all clutching books and it was obviously the same book. I managed to grab a peek and work out that the reason for the queue was a book signing by Steve Coogan. I didn't stay long enough to find out whether he was signing them Steve Coogan or Alan Partridge. As long as he wasn't signing them Jimmy Savile. He would definitely have writers cramp by the end of the afternoon.
I dream of someday having a signing session for my blogs and a massive queue of about three people.
Heaving crowds usually brings the usual mix of shoppers and zany, ever so slightly wacky people like the rather large lady dressed as Bo Peep trying to act normal and pretend that dressing as a storybook character is all in a day's work or play.
There were so many people around that I felt I needed a quiet space to start this blog and so I walked through the market, ignoring the chip stalls and found a peaceful corner in the public library just as the sun made a re-appearance.
When I write I get lost in my own thoughts and very soon it was time to fight my way through the heaving crowds again to get to the cinema and what film was I going to see. Actually I hadn't got a clue.
It was one the other threequarters suggested called Anatomy of A Fall. All I knew was it was French. I'll get to the film shortly. Firstly we had to sit through all those dreadful adverts. Like so many others I take out my mobile rather than watch them. Perhaps they should have a cinema where you can fast forward the adverts like you can at home if you record a programme.
There's usually one advert that annoys more than others. This time it was for some wine which we were told was protected by the Devil whatever that means. And that's if you believe in such an entity as the Devil in the first place.
Then there were the film previews for coming attractions. There's an epic coming up about Napoleon. It's imaginatively entitled Napoleon. Problem is Napoleon speaks with an American accent which is quite off-putting.
The film we went to see was rather confusing for the first five minutes. Then it all became clear. Do catch this if you can. It's an excellent film with some stunning acting. It's also a did he jump or was he pushed drama where the only thing you have to work out is whether the character who dies jumped out of a third floor window or was pushed out by his wife.
Even when a court verdict is passed we still aren't sure whether the verdict was correct or not. I won't spoil it further by revealing any more of the plot
It's a French film, set in France and the dialogue is a mix of French with English subtitles and English.
The only thing that stretched reality somewhat was a reference to the place the family lived as "a shithole." Let me describe this shithole to you. A three or four storey chalet in acres of ground in a forest with thick snow and a running stream. It was actually Grenoble. Some shithole!
Something else I can commend to you is the programme villages by the sea which was on BBC 2 on Friday. The latest episode featured Holkham in North Norfolk. The Holkham Estate is somewhere we have visited many times. But I learnt so much from this programme about the history of the place. The host is a genial archaeologist by the name of Ben Robinson. It's so nice having a host that doesn't feel the need to take part in Morris Dancing or wellie wanging in order to prove just what a wonderfully zany person and good sport they are.
Ben sticks to the serious side of things and made me see and understand things about Holkham I've never thought about before. The history of Holkham Hall surrounds the famous Norfolk Coke family. I have a rather flimsy connection to the family as I was in Coke House at The Norwich School.
The other thing you notice about Ben Robinson is he's very tall. I looked it up and apparently he's 5ft 10in according to the internet which is absolute nonsense as he looks more like 6ft 4in and when you struggle to push 5ft 6in as I do you notice these things.
And talking of school I'm currently reading a kind of autobiography written by Gyles Brandreth. He is never less than entertaining in his writing and seems to have kept every letter, every souvenir and every other thing he has other owned. A lot of what I've read so far is school based and interesting in its own right.
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A couple of final bits for today
If Nigel Farrage is going to appear in the coming I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here could they rename the show He's A Celebrity Keep Him In There?
Why do mobiles ring when you least want them to do? I had just entered the loos at Norwich Forum, popped my bag on the floor and was enjoying (if that's the right word) a pee when the mobile started ringing. Answering it could have got a bit messy so I just had to ignore it and ring back later.
Forgot to mention the ridiculous number of queues in Norwich. Queues for the car parks, queues for the women's loos, queues to see Alan Partridge, queues at the sandwich shop. Queues everywhere.