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On Sunday I read an article in The Observer newspaper about a writer who had decided to take themselves off on a two night stay at a small hotel in order to have some peace and quiet and not having to get involved in organising the family and generally speaking to people. It wasn't that this person was anti social but just realised that everyone needs some time to themselves. She made a definite distinction between being alone and being lonely. They are very similar words but are eons apart in their meaning.
So I thought long and hard about what this person wrote and decided to apply it to my own life. I think I am one of those fortunate people that 1/ can find motivation in many different ways and 2/ can enjoy being with people and being alone equally.
We all need time alone, the article stated and how correct that is. But you see I'm never alone. As I write this there's nobody with me. I am technically alone. But I'm writing a blog which I know will go to over 600 people, many of whom will read it avidly and then leave me replies. By the time they do this I will no longer be physically alone.
But sitting here I am physically alone but I'm talking to 600 people. People who know me will know I enjoy being part of groups. There's nothing nicer than being at one of our writers' group get togethers, or going with friends to the pub or having a meal out or going to the twice monthly forget-me-not cafes for a cup of coffee and a biscuit or two or three (don't tell the other threequarters). But I'm equally happy on my own sorting through paperwork, printing out photographs, doing research or writing, writing and writing. I do a lot of it as you will realise.
Then there's always some friends here in the house with me. Their names include Pink Floyd, Genesis, the Beatles and many more who slam themselves out of my music player which may be a physical player or through my earbuds.
Sometimes I just revel in the peace and quiet of not having anyone else around. Sometimes it's nice to drink in the silence with no television, no radio. Sometimes it's just nice to curl up with a book and sometimes it's even nice to have a senile daytime snooze.
I suppose being an only child helped me to cope with being on my own and I also think that helped me to find motivation as an adult. I always have something to do, some project to undertake, hundreds of e-mails to answer. I suppose I like to think that I'm a reasonably well rounded person who can be sociable but can also be silent (what I refer to as the two s words).
So being alone in itself can be highly therapeutic as the writer of that article pointed out. Even in the most hectic of lives we need some time to ourselves. I don't think I would go as far as booking a costly hotel on my own just to get away from it all. After all where we live, the sea, the Broads and open countryside is just a short car or bus journey away. Being alone for me is only ever a temporary thing. I know that the other threequarters will be back shortly or somebody will e mail suggesting a coffee at the local cafe.
Being lonely is another kettle of fish altogether. Being lonely is demoralising. Being lonely means never seeing another human being from one day to the next. It means having nothing really to do and having nowhere particular to go. It means having nothing to look forward to.
That's why the words of Sophie Little from Radio Norfolk that I mentioned yesterday really resonated with me. She was talking about people who are housebound and whose major contact with other people is via the radio. How these people rely on the cheery voices they hear from Radio Norfolk, presenters they feel they know personally, talking about local issues they can understand.
Loneliness is almost an illness as it can lead to severe depression and many other things like drinking and comfort eating. It can lead to worries about paying bills and it can lead to the most trivial things becoming major concerns.
Being lonely means looking forward to people walking past the window, looking forward to the postman coming on the rare occasions when he/she has something for them and then it's usually junk mail. Being lonely will become all consuming because it will start at the beginning of the day with no breaks in the monotony until bedtime. And tomorrow will be the same as today which will be the same as tomorrow which will be the same as next Wednesday and so on and on and on.
The article in the Observer has made me think about the difference between being alone and being lonely and I'm sure some more thoughts will come up over the next few weeks and you can be assured that I will share them with you.
Now excuse me there's too much silence in this house and Bargain Hunt has started!!
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Also in The Observer I read about a new social media platform for writers. It's called Substack. So I signed up and posted one of my blogs just to see how it works. It works via e-mail. Anyone who adds their e-mail address will get whatever I post. I say whatever I post because at the moment I cant think what I would use it for, but you know me. Something will come to mind. It's also a platform where people can pay writers and subscribe through making donations. There is no way I'm going to charge anyone to read my blogs etc. They will always be 100% free. I just need to work out what to use Substack for.
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Huge congratulations to Alfie Hewett from Norwich who won the men's wheelchair singles tennis title at the US Open in New York. I would love to play Alfie at tennis. Who do you think would win. A world number one wheelchair player or a slightly overweight old boy who is still not too shabby at the sport? As Alfie wont have much to do over the next few weeks perhaps he would like to take up my challenge.