On a recent visit to Kent we stopped at Hythe - a very historic and quite picturesque town. I wasn't aware it was a seaside place but neither apparently are the local signposts. Various parts of the town are signposted but not the seafront. We had the same thing in north Wales a few years ago. It's almost as if they don't want you to find the sea. I would have thought that the sea is one of the highlights of a visit to a seaside town (the clue is in the word seaside).
We did eventually find it. For some reason I seem to have a sixth sense that leads me to the water. It's usually somewhere where the skies seem bigger, brighter and wider. That's the giveaway for me.
But before a walk along the prom, prom, prom we went for a scon scon scon. Had to drop the e so it rhymed and you didn't pronounce it scone. Actually we didn't have a scon but a sandwich (which incidentally is also a town in Kent). But I digress.
I listened in to a conversation which wasn't really a conversation. A man was showing a woman pictures of his ex-wife (yes you read that correctly). She didn't seem greatly impressed and left on her own. He shouted after her "I'll pay Karen." And when he came to pay he apologise to the waitress "Sorry that the lady I was with was so miserable," he said before adding "the lady I was with isn't mine (whatever that may mean),"
Then I heard him mention the name Pauline Mason who I thought he said was a comedienne. So I googled the name and it turns out she is a medium who lives in Hythe (spooky). Mind you her photograph on the internet is way out of date unless she has found the secret of eternal life. Apparently she runs a cafe in Hythe (probably sees you coming and of course there's no need to order from the menu).
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Now here's something that I've promised to keep secret. I received a letter a couple of days ago allegedly from a bank in Hong Kong. The letter had no official logo or heading and was on plain paper. But it had my full address and name. The full text was
Dear Mr Steward
Greetings and I hope you are doing well. I work for Standard Chartered Bank Hong Kong and I contact you regarding the account of John Steward under our management. Please I ask that you keep all details of our communication confidential between both of us, as I make contact to you independently.
Please contact me as soon possible on [email protected] so I can provide more detailed information.
Thank you
Ai Yong
If you receive one of these, please, please, please don't reply as it is quite obviously a scam. Just keep this between the two of us (and my other 600 readers). Whoever heard of an official letter from a bank being on plain paper and in terrible English?
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A couple more from my quiz morons collection. The first from Tipping Point.
The question referred to former Labour party deputy leader Tom Watson (not to be confused with the American golfer of the same name). It was something along the lines of "which former labour party deputy leader and politician lost eight stones and wrote a book about his dieting?"
This numpty responded: "The name that keeps coming to me is Agatha Christie, but I'm not sure whether she is a politician or not."
Quiz host Ben Shepherd sniggered and tried to stop himself from guffawing. When he gave the answer he said: "Agatha Christie was a thriller/detective writer who rote about Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot."
"I've never heard of them either" said the numpty as Mr Shepherd could no longer restrain himself from gaffawing.
Then on The Chase another numpty was asked which board game had elephants (I can't remember the exact question but the important thing to remember here is "which board game." Back came the answer "judo."