"We are introducing some new charges which we need to make you aware of"
They then outline the new charges which means that you will be paying another £20 a month for a product. But then comes the sweetener.
"But don't worry you can be assured that our award winning service will continue at its current high level."
Basically you are paying £20 a month more for the same service.
That phrase "Don't Worry" worries me.
We are always being told to "not worry" or "to relax" in situations where we wouldn't worry anyway. Who wakes up in the middle of the night because their car insurance has been renewed. Here's the conversation.
You toss and turn and at about 3 am your other threequarters says.
"What's wrong. Why can't you sleep?"
"Oh it's just that I'm worried that my car insurance won't be ready for the morning."
"But they told you it would and not to worry."
"Yes but I'm a natural worrier and if somebody tells me not to worry it usually means that I worry."
"Well you need to stop worrying. The company told you to relax it's all taken care of."
"Yes but I can't relax because I'm too worried."
"Why don't you go and make us a nice cup of tea?"
Which takes me to another concern. The word nice when attached to a cup of tea. People always ask you: "Would you like a nice cup of tea?" They never just say "Would you like a cup of tea." I always feel like responding "No thanks but I'll have a nasty cup of tea."
I don't think I've ever been asked if I would like a nice cup of coffee or a nice pint of beer.
The latest company to tell me to relax and not worry is Barclays Bank which is introducing some new charges, mainly around credit and debit cards. I would like companies to be more honest. Perhaps along the lines of:
"You need to worry now because we are putting your charges up by 10%. So don't relax because this will probably mean that you won't be able to pay your bills. But be assured you will still receive the same almost non existent service from us as in the past. We are still just two hours away on the phone when unfortunately you won't be able to speak to a human being but to one of our bank of robots that we have installed in our head office."
Of course that kind of thing would put the marketeers out of business and we wouldn't want to tell people the truth now would we?
Cynicism over. Let's brighten things a bit.
I have written to the local parish council with suggestions for names of new roads in our village.
When I was on the parish council I was part of a group that suggested themes for roads on new developments. As a consequence we have a series of roads named after those from the village who lost their lives in the two world wars. We also have roads named after historic jobs such as Coachmakers' Way and Harnessmakers' Way. These are all relevant to our village's past. We did decide against Thatchers' Way due to its political connotations.
The suggestions for road names are sent to the district council which has the final say on such matters. They don't like using the names of living people, although there isn't a hard a fast rule about this and it has happened in other parts of South Norfolk.
But now that sadly we have lost Duncan Pigg and Harold Kerslake, I have suggested that they be remembered via a road. Something like Duncan Drive or Kerslake Place. Harold's wife Mary was also a village stalwart so what about Harold and Mary Drive? I think that would have a nice ring about it - sounding almost regal.
I have also put forward the name of a former Hethersett Rector. I have done a considerable amount of research on Frederic Jarvis who was Rector during the First World War and who kept everyone informed via his writings in the Good News magazine. He also spent a year serving as a chaplain on the Western Front. He was a keen historian as well as churchman and I think it would be fitting to have a Jarvis Road.
Frederic is just one of the people I have been researching for my Heroes of Hethersett talk that I give occasionally. I would like my heroes to eventually be featured in a book, even if it's only available online.
* * *
Out yesterday cutting some rather long grass to tidy things up and I had on a Spotify playlist. As usual the lyrics from a couple of the songs seemed so relevant to the times we are living through at the moment.
The first was from God's Children by The Kinks:
"Man made the buildings that reach for the sky
And man made the motorcar and learned how to fly
But he didn't make the flowers and he didn't make the trees
And he didn't make you and he didn't make me
And he got no right to turn us into machines
He's got no right at all
'Cause we are all God's children
And he got no right to change us
Oh, we gotta go back the way the good lord made us all"
That's a tad religious for me. The other lyric that stuck was from the song Hotel Room by the Edgar Broughton Band:
"If I came into your city
Hung up on a game
Would you give me your assistance
Though you didn't know my name
Though you didn't know my name
Though you didn't know my name
Would you give me your assistance
Though you couldn't save my pain,"