We call our group the Hethersett Old Farts, so none of our members will be upset by me using this name.
We talk about all kinds of things - but there is much laughter and some eating and drinking involved!
So this week in Hethersett Queen's Head we were trying to name the worst songs or worst artists. We started with the 1960s and then went back and forth and the names came fast and furious.
Worst pop song of all time. Well for me it's "Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep" by Middle of the Road. There were plenty of candidates - "Shaddap You Face" by Joe Dolce came high on the list. It kept Ultravox's classic "Vienna" off the top spot in the charts. Esther and Abi Ofarim with "Cinderella Rockefella," Mother of Mine by Neil Reid, anything by Lena Zavaroni, and I weighed in with "Tom Tom Turn Around" by New World and also its cover version by The Sweet. Then there was "Mull of Kintyre" and "Give Ireland Back to the Irish" by Sir Paul McCartney, "Son of My Father" by Chicory Tip, "Grandad" by Clive Dunn and "There's No-One Quite Like Grandma" by St Winifred's School Choir (do you see a theme developing here) and many more.
I must add a personal note here. I never dreamt that I would marry a grandmother but I certainly agree that there's no-one quite like my other two-thirds.
Anyway back to that pub discussion. That led onto a chat about naff artists. The Wombles, Pinky and Perky, Freddie and the Dreamers, Max Bygraves, Des O'Connor. Even Mary Hopkin and Cliff Richard got a mention (although I disagreed with that). Most were in agreement about how dreadful Peters and Lee were (Welcome Home on that one) and Paper Lace who single-handedly tried to destroy music with their party songs. One of our number obviously hated pianists as he contributed Bobby Crush, Winifred Atwell, Mrs Mills, Liberace and Russ Conway. At that point I mentioned a pianist by the name of Wayne King (yes really). We had to look him up on the internet just to prove I wasn't making the name up for a quick smutty laugh. He was an Australian pianist and partner of female impersonator Danny La Rue (oh there's another dreadful voice). Sadly he died from Aids back in 2000.
I just had to bring up the most obscure 45 I had in my collection before I got rid of it. That was Geordie Sunday by Jacky Charlton. It was spoken rather than sung and I believe you can catch it on You Tube (although goodness knows why you would want to).
Then there were those who have done their best to destroy pop music primarily amongst whom have been Pete Waterman, Simon Cowell and Louis Walsh to name but three.
And the whole thing then morphed into a discussion about Opportunity Knocks and the merits of Hughie Green and Michael Miles and the horribly distressing news that came out many years ago that the clapometer wasn't attached to anything and was just moved around by a bloke behind the machine who tried to judge how loud the clapping was - "and I mean that quite sincerely folks."
Of course Opportunity Knocks did throw up some genuinely talented people like Les Dawson but I noted that Middle of the Road (Chirpy Chirpy Cheep Cheep) were also winners.
But of course deciding on the worst songs and the worst artists is all a matter of opinion. Some of those I have mentioned will be loved by many - but music they aren't.
But then what do I know? One of my favourite living songwriters is the American Jimmy Webb. Now my second favourite pop piece of all time is MacArthur Park which was written by Webb. Google it and you will find the following description:
Jimmy Webb wrote "MacArthur Park", which is popularly held as the worst song ever written. In 1992, Miami Herald journalist Dave Barry conducted a poll among his readers, who selected the Richard Harris original as the worst track ever recorded, both in terms of "Worst Lyrics" and "Worst Overall Song". This is despite the fact that it topped the music charts in Europe and Australia, won the 1969 Grammy Award for Best Arrangement Accompanying Vocalists, and would again become a number-one hit during the disco era in the form of a 1978 cover by Donna Summer.
I just ask the question here: "If MacArthur Park is so bad how come well over 200 artists have recorded it in various styles from brass bands to jazz, folk to classical and soul? And who is Dave Barry anyway? I have well over 150 versions in a playlist that you really don't want to hear. For me the Richard Harris version is the best by far. It's the one that made the charts both in the US and in the UK and it's unique.
The song is called MacArthur Park and is sung as such by all and sundry. For some reason known only to him, Richard Harris sings MacArthur's Park. I believe the composer thought about telling him that he was adding an "s" but then decided against it given Harris' track record for aggressive behaviour.
That's it for today. Tomorrow I will have to decide whether to go back to being serious or stay slightly flippant.
Oh and if you have any songs or artists you hate I would love to hear about them.